Cherry Garcia.

My favorite ice cream flavor is from the Ben & Jerry’s exquisite line and it is called Cherry Garcia.

Funny thing, I think the first time I tried it was on a Wednesday night in the fall of 2015 while I was crying over a boy. Fast forwarding to 5 years later, the most recent time I had it was with a boy that had made me cry and was trying to make up for my pain (or “help me move on”) by buying me my favorite ice cream. (That was sometime late March…and well now I’ve switched over to mint chocolate chip without realizing that that’s what I was doing. Still good ice cream, no shade to the mint chip varieties, but it isn’t my favorite or my “go-to”.)

I’ve always been a person that’s kind of easily persuaded on things. And now I find it bewildering how often we do that… give people control over our emotions, that is. I haven’t had my favorite ice cream (which I used to eat often btw), in about 5 months because I’ve attached a negative memory to something I’ve loved. In my eyes, that delicacy of sweet cherry chocolate ice cream is now tainted because of the memory behind the last time I ate it. Today, I’m embarrassed to think about the many times I’ve stopped doing something I’m passionate about in order to appease another person, fit into the mold of who I think they’d like me to become, or to simply not think about any possible hurt attached to happy experiences.

As an example, a while ago I stopped reading for leisure because something someone told me made me doubt my in my own intellect and future. I haven’t tasted my favorite ice cream because it reminded me that while people can mean well or seem to have good intentions one can never know their true feelings or thoughts to completion. I stopped working out because a guy I was interested in, pinched my love handles moments after I showed him a picture of myself at the beach with a friend and said that I wasn’t looking good anymore: I’ve always had ongoing issues with my body image and that made me wonder, what’s the use?

My point is, (because I’m not going to sit here and list anymore horrible things people have done or said to me) it’s an awful feeling to look back and see that you have given up on things you love because of other people. It’s been quite ignorant and ridiculous of me to allow others to have such a big impact and influence on my quotidian life.

But I’m proud to share that I read again today. I’m reading Becoming, Michelle Obama’s Bio. And although I’m late to reading her story, I’m not too late to take control back little by little. I know I’m not too late to begin re-cherishing myself.

I Praise God for that.