Bizarre, Murky, and Simple Thoughts

I thought not too long ago about things that kill. Lots of things kill… Crazy things kill. Certain things suck for the environment, destroying not only physical things but also mental, emotional, and spiritual matters within a person. Hmmm… let’s see… drugs shut down the body, people murder, laziness kills, depression exterminates, porn destroys, cancer annihilates, flowers wither, and good people die.

People have struggled with internal death and depression (as in lack of motivation and vitality in the way they live). It’s crazy to see how easy it is to slip up, doubt life, and become depressed. It’s evidently awful to see people go down the road of addictions, thinking that this will make them feel some type of remedy when in turn, all it is doing is destroying them. Something so true is that people’s decisions (whether big or small) can heal, bringing life and energy, or they can “kill.” Being depressed, lethargic, having addictions can kill. Depression kills the state of mind and leads people to want to be lonely and apart from happiness. Thus the isolation can lead to the desire for death. Porn, like many other addictions, can kill love. The desire to be happy, pure, and individually wholesome can be thwarted by choosing selfishly to cater to our own temporary “desires”, poor health can lead to sicknesses and diseases which are never fun. There is no escape from hereditary illnesses, and all in all, the world isn’t always that great.

Life sometimes sucks. Usually, after people read a post about how much life sucks, they expect to find a “happy ending” near the end of it or moreover sometime in the post or end of whatever… but no, no happy “pick me up encouragement right now. I guess I’m just thinking aloud… It’s funny how sometimes, you can feel left out or improperly placed at any given moment and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about the matter. Then what do you do? Do you sulk off by yourself, feeling bad about your sorry miserable life, and complain about how no one likes you? Do you act in a “fake” way and be happy, perky, and pretend you are okay with everything going around you? I mean, is it healthy to subject yourself to (or to bear with) being a little ignored, slightly put off, or even subtly looked over because you’re just simply not that funny or because maybe you wouldn’t get what’s going on as much? (Mind you, this is never a full-blown “you’re weird!” or “I don’t care to hear your opinion because you’re just not appealing.” No, these scenarios don’t ever consist of situations in which people are being blatantly rude to you, and quite honestly I feel like even that would be quite easier to deal with or come to terms with. But in my case, it’s the silent and feelings of exclusion that hurt. In an attempt to not be dramatic, I’ll say that there is a possibility that I may be overreacting… and yet, it’s possible I may not be. Anyhow… enough about me, I’m seriously trying to tackle a general question. How do you deal with a situation in which you are silently being overlooked within a group of friends or acquaintances? Do we remain happy and positive even though that consists of being fake at times (fake it till we make it) or do we just leave situations like I do?

I’m going with being positive, although it’s not usually my go-to choice,  I know it is the best way to tackle life. This leads me to wonder… who gives us encouragement? Who do we decide to take advice from? Who do we open up to? Of course, it is good to be positive in moments in which you feel off but it also helps to hear encouraging words of affirmation from someone who is not perfect. No one below the heavens is perfect, that is a known fact. Yet, a good thing to try (that uplifts me), is to speak to someone whom you can relate with. Speaking to someone about feeling left out, who’s never felt that way before can be frustrating. It can seem as if you’re looking for pity or attention, and it is hard to explain or put on paper. 🙂 Recently, I was speaking to someone who loves me and she told me a few things regarding the matter. She told me to not worry about the given situation at a time. I was born to thrive (in some way, shape, or form) and I do not need to find people’s approval. Endless times throughout my life, I have heard people tell me to be myself and to not worry myself with other’s opinions. That stuff usually goes in one ear and out through the other ear. It all sounds beautiful, but for some reason, it just seems like it’s not for me. Yet when I spoke to this strong woman, I was reminded that little stuff like conversations, inside jokes, and invitations, should not…should never define who I am as a person. I am not the neglected child on the corner, I am the girl too busy happily living life, that she doesn’t notice that there are people being picked to play on a team. (at least, this is where I am trying to get to) Now, enough sob stories: according to my heroine, I bring along a book, knit a sweater, and all in all, I do anything to remain busy building myself up in such a way that little details like this won’t hurt or bother.

I have a little Hamlet bookmark which I find beautiful. On it are the famous words “To be or not to be: that is the question” Yes, I know Hamlet said these words while contemplating suicide. No, I am not contemplating suicide. The bookmark in itself is beautiful, made of leather, with leaves semi-painted on. I bought it at Shakespeare’s Globe! The thing is pretty neat looking and it’s in the middle of a book I’m currently reading. So referring to the rhetorical analysis in the title, as of today, I am deciding to be. I will be joyful, not happy (joy is permanent and happiness is fleeting) because that is what it means to be a solid person. I will be positive and thrive to see the brighter side to negative situations. I need to remember every day to continue to grow after all that is up to me. Also, if I am choosing to BE, then I am choosing consistency in the way I view myself, my beliefs, goals. I’ll be content with my present, future, and past because they have made me into a grounded individual I am. So like my Hamlet bookmark says, I’m concluding to BE… And off she went to write about happier, perkier times.


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