So, today I worked from home. It was better this way. My head was clouded, so naturally I went for a drive like I’m accustomed to do in these moments.
I ended up in the neighboring city’s Target and heard at the Target near me that they had Pumpkin Spice in the store. I was excited for this pumpkin spice Frappuccino. I really was. Keep in mind, I had already had a Frappuccino today. I didn’t need one but I wanted pumpkin spice so I was gonna go for it. When she gave me the cup I was intrigued. It looked WAAAaayy more orange than the pumpkin spice coffee usually does. Once I sipped it, something was off about it…Very off. It tasted like candy almost and the spice was weird.
The thought crossed my mind, that, well, some things are just no good out of season, (like fruit and Santa Claus Music). Then I got deep and reflective, as I do during this week every month. I thought to myself, “Maybe some things in my life, feel weird because I’m in the wrong season of my life. Or doing things at the wrong time”. After that, I assumed the role of inner analyst and wondered if I had the right timing of the things in my life. That resulted in me asking myself many questions I had no answer to and attempting to respond to myself or imagining my conscience (God) was speaking to me. That’s tricky, and at times like these I really wish I had more answers than I do now.
After all of the wandering around, I came home (with the afternoon funk still looming around inside) and recorded an episode for my podcast, God Bless These 20-Something’s. That was fun, we talked about YouTube channels and creators. I started to make some food, and while I let the pasta boil summthin else came to mind…
Maybe it tasted badly because it didn’t have any coffee in it.... exactly. *Side note: I realized this on the way home and thought that maybe that was all they had available for the moment, ya know? I’m well aware that the pumpkin spice coffee drinks are fall staples, but why tell me (at the other Target) that you guys have Pumpkin Spice available if it’s not what’s expected?
Should I have been specific and asked if that drink had coffee in it? Should I have communicated better? Should they have?
Reading Quotes people share on social media really help me get out of a negative headspace. I didn’t get on Instagram for the purpose of “quote therapy” but alas, I found two gems.
I was reminded that in creativity and stillness there is peace and hope. When we hone our God given talents and hobbies, we (I) often feel purposeful and full of potential. Swapping out the desires of perfection for wholeness, is freeing.
I was reminded that I am at the right place and time because God makes everything beautiful in His time. Even when I feel crappy inside and like I’m not doing good for myself, I’m reminded that even small steps I make towards a better me are steps in the right direction. Those steps on the path to wholeness instead of perfection are what really can liberate my foggy mind. (:
I pray and hope we learn to speak to ourselves (me, really me… if this applies to someone else, awesome!) in a way that is caring towards each other.
Hugs,
Lu
Through My Specs 